I’ve been a progressive Christian for as long as I’ve been an adult Christian. So, it is surprising to me how many other Christians struggle with LGBTQ+ inclusion. I’m in my own bubble. There are a lot of my beliefs that I understand other Christians might find heretical, such as my ideas on universal salvation, religious inclusivism and the function of scripture in our lives of faith. There are a lot of my beliefs that progressives have trouble with, too, like my belief in the resurrection, belief in the real presence of a living Christ, belief that prayer works and the fact that I say the Apostles Creed daily. I understand why many ideas I hold could be controversial for some on either side. But I don’t understand how in 2024 anyone can stand against LGBTQ+ inclusion.
It makes me angry.
I think my anger is righteous anger—I mean, don’t we always think that? I know myself well enough to know that if I’m emotional on a topic I should take a step back and consider how I should address it before I get triggered and say something in an unsporting way that triggers someone else. That kind of domino effect leads to one thing—a big mess of dominoes all over the floor. People are not persuaded by emotional or angry statements. Our entire country is a mess of dominoes right now because we don’t know how to talk to each other. Our churches don’t need to follow suit. Don’t misunderstand, I would still rather drag some of my fellow Christians literally kicking and screaming over the Jordan River than leave them on the bank, but maybe with more love I could get them in the boat instead.
Philippians 2: 1-2
If, then, there is any comfort in Christ, any consolation from love, any partnership in the Spirit, any tender affection and sympathy, make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.
Just a gentle Biblical reminder that we’ll all be unified by imitating Christ’s humility. That unity comes from expanding the circle of love.
I’ve spent a little bit of time trying to get into a non-progressive’s mental state in as charitable a way I can. I’m also inspired by several of my gay and lesbian friends who stand up to fear, exclusion and bad theology with love and a willingness to share. They are exemplary of the passage above because I personally wouldn’t have the kind of charity it takes to sit with someone who wants to dehumanize me and try to explain why my very life is not a danger to their kids or an affront to God. Yet I’ve seen these friends do it multiple times and it is an act of love and imagination that has influenced me more than they will know.
I’m still forming my thoughts on how to approach these kinds of conversations, but I’m sharing these nascent ideas because I’m guessing most of us are struggling on how to move forward in our dialog in a way that is neither skilled argumentation nor playful repartee.
No One Wants to Be Called a Bigot
There are people I love in my life who hold “traditional,” views on marriage and sexuality. The world is changing too fast for them. Seventy-one percent of Americans think same-sex marriage should be legal, so conservatives can feel the issue slipping away from them dramatically and rightfully so. There is absolutely no Biblical, scientific or sociocultural reason to discriminate against LGTBQ+ sisters and brothers.1 Yet, conservatives probably feel misunderstood and don’t want to be labeled a bigot. If they are serious about following Jesus, they probably still have love in their hearts for LGBTQ+ people and have friends who are in same-sex relationships. They are basing their view on what they believe to be the best theology. I can disagree with them on that theology without assuming they hold the view with hate in their hearts. It’s difficult to find a common ground when these issues are about basic human rights and God’s unending love, but we must find that common ground if we’re going to start anywhere.
Some People Don’t Want Any Discussion at All
Some people are uncomfortable having any kind of difficult conversation and there are few more difficult conversations than disagreements about the nature of human sexuality. Add to that our current climate of overheated debate on every possible issue and it starts to feel like the topics are better left closed. Do I feel angry that people are not inclusive because of what I think is a terrible misread of scripture? You bet. And I should expect that if they are also thoughtful people, they’re worried about getting angry in the dialog as well. Besides, facing some scriptural issues might open a whole can of deconstruction so maybe we should just get along, hopefully until we die, and then our kids can figure it out. I mean, that seems to be working great for the economy and climate change.
We’re All Somewhere on a Spectrum
How can I accept anything other than a black and white view of something so fundamental as respect for all human lives? You’re either for justice and inclusion or you are against it. You either love your neighbor or your hate your neighbor. You are either part of the solution or you are all the problem. Amirite?
This is a false dichotomy. There are more than two sides to this issue and like all things, real life is filled with diversity and nuance. No matter where you find yourself on this issue, I think you really must read the ELCA Social Statement on Human Sexuality: Gift and Trust. It doesn’t just address same-sex relationships; it addresses all human sexuality in a deeply theological approach that affirms God’s faithfulness and the multifaceted gift of human love and sexuality. The reason I bring it up here is that if you skip ahead—most people do anyway because they just want the “right answer” about LGBTQ+ issues instead of reading a lengthy and scholarly document—the statement does a great job of explaining how many faithful Christians are in different places on this topic. It specifically calls out four positions that can be held about same-sex relationships “On the basis of conscience-bound belief:” (1) It’s an outright sin according to their reading of scripture, or (2) it’s a problem in a broken world but we still need to love each other, or (3) we should support the relationship and social structures but not call it marriage, or (4) we should fully support same-sex marriage like we would any other marriage.
As someone who is at 4 on the above spectrum, I’m offended that someone would think it’s OK to be against same-sex marriage at all because we’re talking about basic human rights. But I’m better in my delivery if I understand where they are starting from on the spectrum and that they got there through their own struggle of conscience.
Those first three points above are about playing fair with people on the other side of the argument. These next two are about keeping their side fair, too.
Don’t Accept Straw Man Arguments
My church had some debate over our current welcoming statement and pastoral call that I believe was actually related to LGBTQ+ inclusion. But no one wanted to call it that. Again, no one wants to be seen as a bigot. So, we heard things like, “the welcoming statement is too long,” or, “this is just a woke agenda,” or, “we need to serve our particular demographics,” or, “we’ll lose members.” Don’t be suckered by this. Nail down your efforts to be inclusive, just do it lovingly.
I heard a lot of the word, “but…” added to the phrase, “I love my LGBTQ+ friends… but… I don’t’ support marriage… I don’t want a gay pastor… I don’t want to alienate our community… I don’t think we should promote a gay agenda.” First, let me state the obvious, one’s sexual preference doesn’t change one’s ability to minister either professionally or to each other as a lay person. A gay pastor is not going to change your church into a gay church. How often does your current pastor talk about their sex life? Your gay pastor is going to be the same. It will probably never come up. Oh, and mentioning his husband or her wife doesn’t mean they’re talking about sex so grow up a little.
To not confront these straw men is to accept the status quo, which for many churches still leans to exclusionary practices. I don’t think the other side aways argues in good faith because they know if they can kick the can down the road by confusing the argument they can stay exclusionary.
No One Gets to Claim Biblical Authority
A common tactic—for both sides of this argument as I can be guilty of this myself—is to claim Biblical authority. None of us can claim Biblical authority. To do so seems outrageously blasphemous to me. First, none of us can claim to know the eternal all-loving mind of God, let alone how that mind found voice in an ancient and ambiguous text. Second, saying that anything in the Bible should outweigh Jesus’ own command to love our neighbor stinks of Bibliolatry not faith.
The biggest issue is that none of us are ever truly arguing about the authority of the Bible. What we are doing is arguing for the authority of our personal, private interpretation of the Bible. I am not the most well-read among you, but I promise I’ve read thoughtful, loving, Christian theologians who have interpreted the Bible to either support or attack any one of my most cherished beliefs. If you’re not reading the Bible through a Christocentric lens—again, love God and neighbor—I don’t know how you’d make sense of it. I’ll elaborate on this more in a later post, but if you can get over the Bible’s support of slavery, the fact that it was written by Bronze-age flat-earthers and agree that bacon is delicious, then you have all the tools at your disposal to interpret any potential clobber passage through Jesus’ new commands.
The Other Side is Not Coming to Your Meeting
Our church offered a biblically oriented and theologically sound series of classes on LGBTQ+ inclusion. You know who attended? Mostly all the inclusive allies. It was the choir preaching to itself. I had a lot of fun anyway. It was like seeing a friend at a BLM rally and thinking, “phew, I always knew you were one of us.”
Unfortunately, the other side doesn’t attend these meetings and Bible studies because they perceive them to be motivated by an agenda. I am motivated by an agenda and my name for that agenda is the Kingdom of God. By not attending, they are willfully refusing to take part in a healthy conversation and hear new ideas. You don’t have to agree with us on those ideas, but you should at least hear them. It is easier to criticize a class rather than attend it. It’s easier to fear a “hidden agenda” if you refuse to let it be uncovered. And if you assume you’re going to disagree with the discussion, you might just think, “what’s the point anyway?”
Well, what is the point? I mean, what would we hope to gain from having them attend? I think I would hope that they learn we too are faithful Christians figuring life out just like they are. So maybe we can start there in the hallway conversations. These conversations can’t be had with sound bites. They are going to require hours and hours because for many it is going to challenge their approach to faith and scripture and that won’t happen overnight. Have patience because we’re really asking people to reinterpret their entire theology, not just change their mind on same-sex relationships.
Actions speak louder than words, so don’t preach, but don’t back down from being a visible ally. This brings the meeting to them.
- Treat everyone on both sides with respect and use correct pronouns.
- Challenge any homophobic or transphobic language you hear. The more they hear your support the more normal it becomes for everyone. I had a former congregant tell me they left because, “The ELCA is pushing a trans agenda.” I wanted to ignore him, but if I left that comment unanswered, he would feel comfortable making it again with someone else. So I just said, “Everyone deserves dignity and respect, that’s what the agenda is.”
- Support LGBTQ+ causes when you can. Support Pride events. Even small things help. June is Pride month so I turn my Chess.com and MusicLeague icons to a Pride flag.
- If you want to educate others, you need to educate yourself. There are great resources for Lutherans, Methodists, UCC, reformed, and others.
- Deliberately mention LGBTQ+ people or relationships in conversation. You’d be surprised how easy this is. My son just bought a Keith Haring sweatshirt. My brother’s boyfriend is coming out to ski next month. That kind of thing. Doing so normalizes LGBTQ+ identities by talking about them in a positive way. And this includes talking openly to your LGBTQ+ friends, tell them you’re an ally don’t make them assume or have to guess who celebrates their whole being.
- Be sure you are focused on welcome, honesty and openess and not self promotion. Supporting LGBTQ+ rights is not an area for self-congratulation, it’s basic Christian love and decency. You don’t get to brag about not hating 10+% of the world.
- My purpose in this publication is not to persuade the unpersuaded, but to propose to the previously persuaded to polish their powers of persuasion. ↩︎
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I forget that other people are not coming from a place of malice, but are defending an outdated view of scripture. I will keep that in mind because it makes it less personal for me.